During 2008 there were some stressful events happening in my life that had been going on for a few years. Most of it was financial stress and uncertainty that resulted from some business ventures that did not play out as I had expected. During the spring of 2008 all that stress began to take its toll and for the first time in my life I was depressed.
When I say “depressed” I do not mean I was just feeling down about the situation I was in. This was different and that was painfully obvious to me. I had never felt like I had nothing to look forward in my life and that nothing good was ever going to happen again. It was a feeling of hopelessness that was entirely new to me and I knew that it was genuine depression. The real thing.
I hoped that it would resolve on its own but it didn’t. It’s hard to recall accurately now but I probably gave it at least a month or so to see if it would lift. Anyone who has experienced depression knows that it is something you want to be rid of as soon as you can possibly be rid of it. So one day I picked up the phone and called the local hospital to see if I could get an appointment with a mental health professional.
I knew what I wanted when I made the call. I wanted medication like my father had used that seemed to lift his depression and even render him a bit too happy, if there is such a thing. Although I believe my father had adopted a negative view of SSRIs by that time and even I had doubts about them, I knew that they seemed to have worked for him and I wanted to give them a chance to work for me. I would have also considered it a bonus if I could get some Klonopin to help with the anxiety I was dealing with alongside the depression. Like my Dad, I always had some level of anxiety to deal with in my life and it worsened when it was experienced with depression.
I was able to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist within a reasonable amount of time so I was relieved to have something to look forward to that might help me rid myself of the miserable feelings I was having. The psychiatrist I was scheduled to see was somewhat of a prominent one and was known for a book he had written about the psychology of a person who was quite well known the world over. That made me feel like I was going to be getting help from someone who really knew his stuff. A bona fide expert!
That was long before I reached the eventual conclusion that psychiatry is, for the most part, pseudoscience that consists largely of unproven theory. Making matters worse, the profession has been taken over rather completely by Big Pharma and now most mental health practitioners are just glorified pill-pushers. They are, however, quite happy to have you warm a chair in their office for the industry standard hour and charge you a couple hundred dollars to essentially sit and listen to you bear your soul before writing you a prescription and sending you on your way.
At the time, I left his office quite satisfied because I had in my hands prescriptions for Zoloft (100 mg once a day) and Klonopin (1 mg twice a day) and that is what I had hoped for. It was surprisingly easy to convince him to give me what I wanted. All I had to do was tell him that was the same medication that my Dad took and that he seemed to do quite well with it. I changed the story up a bit since my Dad was actually given Ativan but I knew that both my mother and brother were taking Klonopin and that it was a longer-lasting benzodiazepine and may be a bit more potent than Ativan. I wanted to biggest hammer I could get to beat back my anxiety.
I went directly to the pharmacy when I left the hospital and had my prescriptions filled. They told me I would have to wait about 30 minutes or so before they were ready but that did not matter to me. I wanted those pills as soon as I could get my hands on them! If you have ever suffered from depression you will understand the urgency of wanting it gone just as soon as can that can possibly be accomplished.
I was told that the Zoloft might take three weeks or a month to have any real effect but the Klonopin took effect around 45 minutes or so after I took it and it worked quite well for me. It was wonderful to be rid of that constant undercurrent of anxiety during every waking moment. Being rid of that feeling probably contributed quite a lot to lifting the depression even before the Zoloft had a chance to work.
It probably took about as long as predicted for me to start feeling the effects of the Zoloft. It was working for me and my depression was melting away. There was no question in my mind it was working and perhaps it was. But now I do wonder if it was more of a “placebo effect” than anything else. I had expected it to work like I saw it work for my father, so it worked for me as well. I don’t deny the possibility that it was in fact the Zoloft that was working but I think it is just as likely that it “worked” because I fully expected it to.
The fact that I had been taking Klonopin for a few weeks and had all but eliminated my anxiety could also have been a factor. I had suspected that the increased anxiety I had been dealing with for a few years due to my life circumstances could have led to depression. I asked the psychiatrist about that and he readily agreed that was possible. Perhaps the absence of anxiety from the Klonopin was enough to lift the depression and the Zoloft was something I didn’t even need. I suppose there is no way to know.
It had finally happened. I am ashamed to admit I was privately a bit smug from being the only one in my family (father, mother and brother) that had not had to resort to medication to deal with mental or emotional problems. I was smug no longer. Perhaps I had it coming.
I really did not experience any serious side effects from either the Zoloft or Klonopin. To this day I still do not know what a “head zap” feels like and in retrospect I am very thankful for that. I did experience some sexual side effects but for me they were a little different than what most others report. Part of it was what I expected but part of it was also a very positive. I have since researched it and have never found any other reports like what I experienced so I guess I am a bit of am outlier in that respect.
Those side effects mostly resolved since I have been off Zoloft for quite a few years but I am not convinced that it did not make some permanent changes. It is surely not something I consider severe and I can live with it but I do not feel like I did before the Zoloft. I guess you could say I have some minor symptoms of a well-known disorder called PSSD or “post-SSRI sexual dysfunction.” Believe me, I appreciate the fact that it has been mild for me because I have seen some absolute horror stories from people online who are much younger than I was when I started taking Zoloft and they are suffering terribly. They have had a very important part of their lives completely stripped away and I can only imagine what a terrible experience that is. Especially for someone in their teens or twenties.
In 2012 my wife, my sons and myself had decided that we all would like a change. So we moved south some 1000 miles away from the place that we had called home all of our lives. We’re still here and have absolutely no regrets about making that move.
Zoloft certainly had an effect on my personality and behavior. Although I didn’t engage in any violence against anyone while I was taking it I surely was more willing to do so. I remember that vividly. I have been a pretty peaceful person all my life and believed that walking away from a fight was probably the best thing to do in most cases. I did not feel that way when I was taking Zoloft.
The weird thing was that it made me feel more protective of my family and others that I care about but I cared less about someone outside that circle and far more willing to harm them if I thought it was necessary.
The thought of using a gun or other weapon on someone was not something that had ever crossed my mind but I was definitely more willing to get into a physical altercation with anyone that provoked me sufficiently. I recall one particular day when I was out cutting some firewood on my property and had worked my way over towards a neighbor’s property a bit. It was a neighbor I had a minor disagreement with once or twice and I really did not like the guy. That day while cutting wood I found myself actually hoping that I could annoy him enough so that he might come out and start something so I could get into a physical fight with him.
That was completely out of character for me and just more undeniable evidence that SSRIs can cause people to become more violent. That day I actually wanted to fight the guy! And for no other reason than the fact that we had some minor disagreements and I didn’t like him. Fortunately he never came out of his house or was just not home that day because I am not sure what I would have done. Before and after Zoloft I would never think that way so for me there is no question about the connection between SSRIs and violence. It’s a fact.
I kind of “flirted” a bit with Zoloft a couple of times before we moved and actually got off it for a while. It became obvious after while that whatever was causing my depression had not been resolved and I was able to tell it was making a comeback so I would start taking Zoloft again. During that time I believe I kept taking Klonopin since I really enjoyed the absence of anxiety. That kind of throws cold water on my earlier theory that Klonopin may have been enough to treat my depression due to its ability to resolve my anxiety but on the other hand, perhaps later on I was more resistant to the effects of Klonopin and it wasn’t controlling my anxiety as well as it had done so initially.
I have no doubt I have dealt with something I refer to as “stealth anxiety” for much of my life. I believe that I am able to experience anxiety that I am not even consciously aware of. At one time that seemed kind of crazy to me since it did not seem like I could be experiencing anxiety and not be aware of it. However, it turns out that there is a recognized condition called “subconscious anxiety” that made sense to me when I learned about it. As I have stated here, I surely have my doubts about psychiatry as a whole but that does not mean I don’t believe they have figured some things out pretty well and since I have experience with this condition, I have no trouble accepting their definition. It’s the “treatment” aspect of their profession I have the most doubts about.
I got off Zoloft more permanently about a year before we moved but not too long after we had settled into our new home, things took a turn for the worse. We were enjoying the fruits of a business venture that was actually going quite well at the time but things soured only a couple of months after the move. I learned a valuable lesson about depending on others too much for your own success but it was a difficult lesson to learn at the time.
Being as familiar as I was with depression, I had no doubts that it was making a pretty serious comeback after that event. And come back it did. It was as bad or maybe worse than it had been in 2008. I still remember well looking forward to my favorite time of day during that time and that was when it was time to go to bed. I knew I would not have to deal with depression when I was sleeping so I looked forward to it every day. At least I had something to look forward to!
Consequently, the worst time of the day was as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning. I would realize that I had to face another day with those feelings and it was not something I wanted to do. I should make it clear at this point that suicide was not something I ever considered for even a second during the times when I was depressed. If it had continued for years like I believe it had for my brother I suppose things could have been different. I cannot imagine how terrible it would be to feel that way every day for years.
I toughed it out for a couple of months kind of keeping it in the back of my mind that I could probably go see a doctor and get more Zoloft if I wanted to. I was still following Dr. Mercola and had decided to try the “Emotional Freedom Technique” that he had been talking favorably about at the time. EFT, as it is commonly called, is supposed to have a beneficial effect for people with depression and other mental health conditions. It seemed rather unlikely that it could work since it basically consisted of using your fingers to tap on various parts of the body but I was willing to try almost anything to banish my depression.
Maybe that was why it did absolutely nothing for me. A kind of reverse placebo effect. I did not expect it to work so it didn’t work for me. I also could have been doing it wrong despite having studied about it a bit online and watched videos demonstrating the technique.
Eventually I threw in the towel and made a call to a local hospital to see if someone would see me. I ended up establishing a relationship with a pretty good doctor that eventually became my primary care physician. She gave me the Zoloft prescription I wanted as well as a reduced dose of Klonopin, which was fine with me since I knew I wanted to get off it eventually anyway.
Once again my depression resolved within a few weeks and I was feeling pretty good again. Could the placebo effect occur more than one time? Perhaps but at the same time, I would not argue that it wasn’t actually the Zoloft that did the trick. For some people it actually does seem to help alleviate depression and I was very happy to put it behind me again.
I stayed on Zoloft for about 18 months before I decided to try getting off it again in March of 2014. I continued to discover more troubling information relating to SSRIs and their potential negative effects and really wanted to get off of them for good. I quit cold turkey and did not experience any negative effects from that at all.
At the same time, just because I got away with doing it that way does not mean I think anyone else should try that. In retrospect, I know it was foolish and I should have carefully tapered off of it. I know that there can be serious and sometimes even fatal side effects from stopping suddenly. I also wonder if it was the effect of the Zoloft that influenced me to do it that way. There was no question that it had always made me more willing to take risks and care less about consequences so I do not doubt that was a factor.
This time I was able to stay off of Zoloft for good and have not touched it since. Although circumstances did improve with regards to business and finance, I would not say things were “great.” There were some more bumps to endure along the way but I never felt like depression was looming again even with my mother’s dementia diagnosis, my brother’s suicide eight months after that and then my mother’s death four months later. Did I mention the death of a close friend during October of 2017?
It wasn’t the happiest time of my life to say the least but the true depression never returned. I certainly mourned the passing of those people but that feeling of “real” or perhaps “clinical” depression did not return. And I have a theory as to why it didn’t.
I am not going to delve too deeply into this subject since it is not the point of this article but it is worth mentioning since I think it really helped with keeping the depression from returning. Both my wife and I became interested in adopting a healthier lifestyle. My parents were into that to a degree when I was growing up and I remember well the collections of vitamins and other health supplements that they would give to my brother and I on a regular basis. They were convinced it was the right thing to do and I still believe it was. So I grew up with an appreciation for doing things to promote good health.
I had gotten away from taking supplements and doing other things to promote good health some years before we moved. I guess I just kind of fell out of the habit. Did I notice any difference? I certainly did! I would come down with colds and other things a lot more regularly than when I was taking supplements. Why it took me as long as it did to get back on track I do not know but that was what we did. I cannot recall exactly when that was but my guess would be around 2015.
In addition to the supplements, we got away from eating processed food or at least cutting back on it substantially. I had discovered the work of Raymond Peat and I had no trouble believing what he said. Particularly with regard to seed oils and polyunsaturated fats (PUFA) in general. So we got away from eating virtually anything that had a significant quantity of PUFA in it. I had absolutely no trouble believing that Big Food was basically poisoning everyone willing to eat the crap they were producing. I am sure Dolos would have been proud!
A supplement that Dr. Mercola really started to harp on was vitamin D3 and he was really quite insistent that it was extraordinarily beneficial. Vitamin D was not one that I recall taking when I was a kid and that may be because its benefits were just not well known back in the 1960s and 1970s. After reading what Mercola said about vitamin D3 we got serious about making sure we took it every day. I still have lab results from a few years back and see that my level back in 2010 was 30 (!) and then in 2081 it was 50 so I was definitely making progress. When I was tested most recently in January of last year it had risen to 68, which I am quite satisfied with but I continue to take D3 (and K2) every day.
As far as we can tell, neither my wife or I ever had Covid and we very rarely get sick. Even with a cold. Both of my sons had Covid but they do not observe the same healthy habits as seriously as we do despite our efforts to convince them. We provided them with supplements and advice that helped both of them get over it pretty quickly and they have not suffered with any after-effects.
Another thing I started doing around 2015 was exercising. I started walking every morning for at least an hour and where we lived at the time enabled me to walk back and forth on a pretty steep incline, making it an even more strenuous workout. I knew strength training was something else that Dr. Mercola was very enthusiastic about so I started lifting weights. Since then I have improved my appearance significantly and I lost about 30 pounds.
As far as I am concerned, adopting those healthy lifestyle habits is probably what prevented my depression from returning. Things with regard to business and finances have improved significantly as well since that time so I am sure that is helpful as well.
I did not want to turn this into a healthy living article but I do feel passionately about it and wish that many more people knew what we know about how bad the vast majority of products on the supermarket shelves really are. To put it bluntly, most of it is just great-tasting garbage that will slowly destroy your health and promote illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes and cancer. I will likely come up with more articles that are more focused on those things in the future.
With regard to Klonopin, I attempted to taper off that a little too quickly during October of 2012 just after we moved. That did not work out well at all. I am grateful that I did not have to endure the hell that so many others do when trying to get off of benzodiazepines but I did have one night that got a bit unpleasant when I went to bed. I found that I just could not get comfortable no matter what I did. That was accompanied by pretty intense anxiety and the feeling that I had to keep moving. Perhaps it was a bit of the akathisia that AMD mentioned in the post I linked to in Part 1.
It was a weird experience unlike any other I have ever had and thankfully I have not experienced it again.
This was about the same time my depression had returned so I believe my experience with attempting to taper off of Klonopin was the real push I needed to make the call to the hospital where my new doctor provided me with the prescriptions I asked for. Tapering off off a benzodiazepine I had been taking every day for four years in a rapid fashion was not a wise decision but I know my experience was far less serious than so many others.
In January of 2014 I set about getting off of Klonopin again and over the course of perhaps two months I slowly tapered my dose down until I was able to get off it. It worked out much better that time and I was able to stay off of it. Or perhaps I should say “mostly” off of it. But that time I was off of it a little over three years so I definitely was successful breaking away from it.
Perhaps I should point out that Klonopin was something I never really felt “addicted” to. It’s obvious that I was from that experience I had the first time I tried to get off it. It’s very hard to describe how I felt at the time and I am probably doing a lousy job of explaining it but I suppose I just never felt like it was something I could not live without.
At the same time, I really enjoyed the benefits that I experienced from taking taking Klonopin. To be honest, I would love to have been able to stay on it permanently but I just feel like it is not worth the potentially serious long-term risks to my health, both mental and physical! But I did love what it did for me. For someone with anxiety it feels great to live life without it.
I was warned that its effects would diminish with time and it would take larger doses to realize the same effects as time went on but that never happened for me. In fact, the dose I was given after I moved was half of what I had taken for four years and I found it quite satisfactory.
In addition to easing my anxiety, Klonopin had other beneficial effects for me. At the time I did not know what the problem was but sometime after I had turned 40 there were things I had eaten all my life that started to give me trouble. If I ate something too late in the day, after 8:00 pm or so, I would wake with a headache the next day. Since then I have figured out that I have histamine intolerance due to there being an insufficient quantity of an enzyme called diamine oxidase (DAO) in my system. DAO is needed to break down histamine in the body and without it excessive levels of histamine cause problems like headaches.
At the time I had no clue regarding histamine or DAO but what I did know was that taking Klonopin every day all but eliminated that problem. I am still scratching my head over that since I cannot quite figure out the mechanism of how that could have worked. But it happened and I cannot deny it. As soon as I got off of Klonopin for a significant length of time those headache problems returned. These days I control my histamine problems by taking a DAO supplement that works quite well.
In 2017 I was having some pretty serious problems with insomnia. Like depression that set in back in 2008, insomnia was something I never had to deal with in my life. But there I was, sometimes going to bed and staying awake all night. Now I realize that it was likely influenced by problems that were going on back home that resulted from my mother’s worsening dementia and my brother, who was still living with her, trying to deal with her and his own problems with depression as well.
Although I was 1000 miles away I was still very involved in what was going on with my mother and brother. I talked to my mother quite regularly and offered whatever advice and encouragement I could to my brother. But they could both be very difficult to deal with at times. Particularly my brother with his serious anger management problems. It had been something that had been playing out for decades that was finally coming to a head and it was causing me a good bit of worry and anxiety.
I was pretty well able to confirm that it was the anxiety during that time that contributed to the insomnia since it resolved pretty well after all the trouble up north had subsided. Not in the best way, obviously, but it came to an end and my sleep gradually improved. During that time I did see my doctor and had mentioned the insomnia. She offered to give me a prescription for Klonopin, which I accepted. I used it once in a while for insomnia but did not have to rely on it very often. My real serious insomnia episodes were not all that frequent but I was grateful to have Klonopin when they did occur.
Since then I have been able to get more about once a year or so and I still use it occasionally when I have trouble sleeping. That does not happen all that often but after that initial insomnia back in 2017, I do have to deal with it on a smaller scale from time to time. I really do not know why but perhaps something changed for me back in 2017 and I would have had to deal with some amount of insomnia even without the stress of dealing with family problems.
I certainly would never want to go back on either Zoloft or Klonopin full time since I believe both of those drugs have the potential to cause very serious harm over time. I certainly consider myself very fortunate to have not suffered the terrible consequences so many others have reported.
My apologies for allowing this to get somewhat off-topic on more than one occasion and I do want to make one last point that is directly related to the original intent of the article.
There is no question that there are people and organized groups that want to restrict access to firearms as a solution to mass shootings. We all know that banning “assault weapons” would only be the first step and that a total ban on all firearms would be their ultimate goal. Those in power would benefit from having an unarmed population that is easier to control (see Australia during the Covid “pandemic”) while gullible individuals who support gun control would believe they lived in a safer world.
Here’s another reason why it is obvious that SSRIs and perhaps other psychoactive pharmaceuticals contribute more to mass shooting events than the availability of firearms.
Did you know that as recently as the 1960s an individual in the United States could purchase a rifle through the mail? I decided to ask the famously left-leaning AI bot “ChatGPT” the following question: Was it possible in the United States in the 1960s and previous to that for an individual to purchase a rifle by mail order?
Here is its answer:
“Yes, it was possible in the United States in the 1960s and prior to that for an individual to purchase a rifle by mail order. In fact, during that time, it was relatively common for individuals to order firearms, including rifles, through mail-order catalogs and have them shipped directly to their homes. Companies like Sears, Roebuck and Co. and Montgomery Ward were well-known for selling firearms through their catalogs.”
“The Gun Control Act of 1968, which was passed in response to the assassinations of prominent political figures such as President John F. Kennedy and Senator Robert F. Kennedy, imposed stricter regulations on the sale and purchase of firearms. One of the key provisions of the Gun Control Act of 1968 required that all firearms, including rifles, be sold through licensed dealers who were required to keep records of the sales. This effectively ended the practice of mail-order sales of firearms.”
“Before the Gun Control Act of 1968, the regulations surrounding the mail-order sale of firearms were much less stringent, and it was relatively easy for individuals to purchase rifles and other firearms through mail-order catalogs. However, after the 1968 Act, firearms sales became subject to more federal regulations, including background checks and restrictions on sales to certain individuals, such as convicted felons.”
Naturally, I was curious to know if one could purchase the dreaded semi-automatic rifle through the mail back in the day, so once again I consulted ChatGPT: Do you know what type of rifles where available to purchase through the mail prior to the gun control act of 1968?
Here is its answer:
“Prior to the Gun Control Act of 1968, a wide range of rifles and other firearms were available for purchase through mail-order catalogs. These catalogs typically offered a variety of firearms, including bolt-action rifles, lever-action rifles, semi-automatic rifles, and single-shot rifles. Some examples of popular rifles that could be purchased through mail-order catalogs during that time include:
Bolt-Action Rifles: Firearms like the Springfield Model 1903 and the Mauser 98 were commonly available. These rifles were often chambered in various calibers and were used for hunting and sport shooting.
Lever-Action Rifles: Lever-action rifles like the Winchester Model 94 and the Marlin Model 336 were popular choices. These rifles were commonly used for hunting, especially in the western United States.
Semi-Automatic Rifles: Semi-automatic rifles like the Remington Model 740 and the Ruger 10/22 were available. These rifles were suitable for various purposes, including target shooting and hunting.
Single-Shot Rifles: Single-shot rifles were also common offerings in mail-order catalogs. These rifles were simple, often used by beginners, and could be chambered in a wide range of calibers.”
“It’s important to note that while the Gun Control Act of 1968 introduced stricter regulations on firearms sales, the specific models and types of rifles available through mail order would have varied among different catalog companies. The accessibility of these firearms through mail-order catalogs was a significant aspect of gun commerce at the time, but the 1968 Act changed the landscape of firearm sales in the United States by requiring more oversight and restrictions.”
So there you have it. This should make it blatantly obvious to even the most uninformed gun control zealot that the availability of firearms is definitely NOT the most significant contributing factor for mass shootings. A few decades ago a person could sit down with a catalog, send their order along with a check to a retailer and receive a firearm in the mail! How much more “available” could firearms be?
As I have stated repeatedly here, it is much more likely that mind-altering pharmaceuticals are more responsible for mass shootings than the availability of firearms. That, along with the general advancing sickness of our society and diminishing values and morality that we see manifested almost every day.
If guns were much more available a few decades ago and there were very few mass shootings you certainly cannot be expected to be taken seriously when you claim that it is the easy access to firearms causing the terrible events we are seeing far too frequently today.
By the way, I cannot resist pointing out the absurdity of the Federal Government enacting the Gun Control Act of 1968 in response to the Kennedy assassinations. That’s because I have been exposed to enough evidence to convince me that it was operatives within our Federal Government that planned and carried out those assassinations. And yes, that includes the CIA and probably Lyndon Johnson himself! I know, it all sounds like a “conspiracy theory” but how many of those have we seen turn out to be true over the past three or so years?